Sugarcoat

I've seen all of you go
Down this bumpy road
None of us had foreseen
This wouldn't have a sugarcoat

My future

From lonely struggle to inspiring journey
I wanna go beyond everything that's happening to me
I wanna be great and see the big picture
Is this my time to shine, is this my future?

My pledge

Next year I want everything to be different
I want to be my best friend again
Have values lasting longer than a one night stand

But this is not my first vow or pledge
I wasn't raised to live on the edge
But when I am drunk I always tend to forget

I was raised to be well-mannered
Striving and achieving mattered
I earned everyone's respect for what I did

I worked hard, people said I was smart
Now I am found in every men's bed with an empty heart
My moral history is totally off guard

I must stand up again, raise my fist
Be who I used to be on every A-list
And regain those morals and values my life has missed

Forever friends

I was so happy you said it
Finally after all those years you get it

Finally I've earned that place in your life
The same place I gave you in mine

You said: "I've known you for over 24 years
I don't want to lose this thing we have here

Here in my heart, here in my mind
I know I've let you down sometimes

I just hope you can forgive me and we can move on"
And so I will forgive you for everything you've done

And everything you will ever do
Cause I am your best friend and I love you

I've loved you for 24 years and many more to come
We make mistakes but our friendship will always carry on

Love gone by

I wake up wondering what I've done
I wanna know where I belong
Like I need a man's love to be someone

I humiliate myself over and over again
I won't find the love I need during weekends
Where I feel cool but it's play pretend

I won't win any respect between your sheets
Feeding your and my temporary needs
With alcohol and coke in between

I miss loving him
I miss knowing what to do
I miss being me and you

Then you came by for coffee
I felt your love looking at me
I heard your hope and felt your maybes

You gave me a hug and lifted me up
I wish my feelings would have never stopped
Cause you love me for me no matter what

Discern

Is there a reason why things are happening to me?
Must I first get to my lowest low before I get to be happy?
Must I be buried with self loath and covered in dirt?
Must I be lonely and miserable and long term hurt?

The same things keep happening to me
Is life trying to tell me something I need to learn?
Or is it cause sometimes it's just not my turn?
Or is it something I can't discern?

The last thought

I feel a little sad
You stole the last thought I had
The last bit of hope
The last cloud I was on
Now it's really me on my own

Compassion

Compassion
Makes it hard to teach someone a lesson
You don't want to tell them the truth
If you understand exactly what they do

You know what they're going through
But sometimes you need to be hard
Save them by telling the awful truth
Before they fall apart

But it also works the other way around
When life hits you very hard
And you hope compassion can be found
To mend your broken heart

And then you hurt me by accident
I want to blame you and be mad
But at the same time I understand
Cause I've also made mistakes like that

When you have no notion
You judge and call someone sentimental
Until you experience the same emotion
You understand you've been too judgemental

I had to learn a little lesson
When I choose my words less carefully
They always get back to me
That's how I got compassion

For my lonely girls

The look on your face says you've had enough
Are you gonna die with a past
In which you've known great love
But it didn't last

And you try hard everytime
Is this gonna be the man for life?
Who will be your partner in crime?
Who wants you to be his wife?

After half a year it's all gone
You're left to your own device
Wondering where you went wrong
Cause you tried so many times

Why do I want to know why?

I wanna get me
I wanna get why I react the way I react
Know why I see the things I see
Know why I feel the way I feel

I wanna get you
I wanna get why you react the way you react
Know why you do the things you do
Know why you feel the way you feel

Why do I always want to know why?
Am I busy with figuring out life
As it's passing me by?
What if tomorrow is now?

Back in time

If I could go back in time
I would stay in 2005
When my love for you was still alive

Your love for me hasn't changed
You still accept every mistake I make
You still think I'm flawless after all the heartache

Tough people

Life is hard when you lack the will
You gain twice the weight you lost
You don’t feel like paying bills
Debt collection agency, extra costs

You got pregnant by accident
But you knew you were playing with fire
You cheat on your boyfriend
Cause it’s easier to be a liar

You take driving lessons and quit again
You take lessons at a drama club
Life can be hard every now and then
But you can’t just always give it up

You go to court for a fine
It takes you six years to graduate
I want to buy you a spine
For change, it’s never too late

What makes people proud?
When they stand up for something
They refuse to take the easy way out
And reach a higher level of being

You need to kick your own ass
I hate to do it for you
Tough times don’t last
Tough people do

Fool me

I set my own traps and I fall for them
It's called plain stupid and play pretend
I've been around your block before
I won't find what I'm looking for
I know you're no good for me
You make me do things I wouldn't normally

But sometimes it's just nice to feel warmth
To just sleep tight in someone's arms
Even though it's got nothing to do with loving
Cause you mostly bring about self-loathing
I let you fill my heart with imaginary love
I let you give me something to dream of

Do I have to search to find?
Or should I just stumble upon things in life?
Should I believe in serendipity?
Does fate still have something in store for me?
How deep must I fall before I get to climb?
How lonely must I be before sunshine?

Judgement

Because of all I've done
I'm past the point where I can judge anyone

You just do what you do
I won't frown upon you

Whatever my point of view or perception
Sometimes I don't have an opinion

I've been up and down too much
I've lost my will and right to judge

So you just do what you do
I won't look down on you

I've embarrased myself, been through shit
I've shamed myself more than I'd like to admit

You look at me and expect judgement
But I always try to understand

Cause I make the same mistakes every now and then
I always remember in the end we're all human

When

Will I ever know, will I ever feel
What I see in the movies
What I see on TV

Do I still believe, believe it's real
Or have we overcome this
And it seizes to exist

Does it have to become a great ordeal
For I am ready for everything
I am so tired of waiting

For a mother

Asleep, asleep, I fall asleep
I'm never waking up
I wish I could accept this
But I think I'm giving up

There's so much love and beauty
There's so much to live for
I don't want you to see me
With all the pain I have to endure

There's so much to digest
I feel your love, I see you care
But my body wants to rest
For all the things it cannot bear

Asleep, asleep, I fall asleep
I know now, I am aware
Tomorrow I won't be
I will no longer be there

Over

Einde bereikt, maar niet de bestemming
Een in dwaling geëindigde vlucht
De reis had vol moed aangevangen
Maar de woorden bleven hangen in de lucht

Mystery

The moment I met you
I had a lifetime to forget you
But how do I put you behind me
With only the blind to guide me?

So many things remain unresolved
I can't live with this at all
Cause everything's a mystery
Why is it not you and me?